It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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