just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
