you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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