Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
