ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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