hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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