i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
