Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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