it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
