Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
