Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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