but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
