And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
3pm strippers are depressing
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
