He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
