The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
