I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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