It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
