State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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