i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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