I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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