I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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