I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
please come you make the beer taste better
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
What a dumb baby whore.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
