party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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