Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I need moral support for this bender
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
