it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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