i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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