there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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