My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
