do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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