Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
