I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
