I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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