so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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