I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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