SEEEEXXX PLEASE
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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