I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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