I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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