I'm jealous of your bromance
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
