wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
