I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
