Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
