That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
