On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
