there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
