If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
