Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Houston, we have a blender
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
