Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
