You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
