worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
