I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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