If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
