Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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